Matthew 12:46-50 – A Sword, the Family, and Rewards, Part 2. a.

I received my driver’s license in 1980, graduated from high school in 1983, and graduated from college in 1987. More importantly, however, the 1980s was the decade when I watched my first David Letterman show and was introduced to his Top-10 lists. I trust it is not offensive to the readers, but I’ve chosen to introduce this week’s discussion with a top 10 list. Any complaints should be written on a small piece of paper and stored in the closest recycle bin. Now, without any further ado, here is this week’s list of…

Top 10 Things Jesus Never Did!

10) Rooted for the Pittsburgh Steelers,

9) Listened to a Ronnie James Dio album,

8) Created a rock so big that he couldn’t pick it up,

7) Rooted for the Cleveland Browns,

6) Forced all the angels to dance on the head of a pin to see how many would fit before one fell off,

5) Parachuted from the Temple roof,

4) Turned wine into water,

3) Ate a bagel and lox,

2) Posed for Leonardo Da Vinci,

And the number one thing that Jesus never did…

1) Called Mary “mother.”

I know some might question the accuracy of number 3, but the bagel and lox didn’t really get going until the 1930s in New York City, although the bagel seems to have had its origin on the silk road in China, and the combination of bagels with lox (otherwise known as salmon) may have possibly begun in 12th-century Poland —

How is this about Matthew?

Even though the Gospels are full of references to Mary as the mother of Jesus, and one particularly large portion of the modern church recognizes Mary as the mother of Jesus, the fact of the matter is that the Bible has no record of Jesus ever calling Mary his mother. A brief survey of the Gospel record of Jesus’s interactions with his family may be helpful.

The first words the Gospels record as having come out of Jesus’s mouth come after Mary and Joseph had been searching for him in the crowds on their way back home from Jerusalem. When they finally found him Jesus was sitting in the temple listening to the leaders and asking them questions. When Mary asked why he was there and causing his parents so much grief, Jesus replied, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” (Luke 2:49) I don’t know if Joseph felt left out, but the truth of the matter is that Jesus’s true Father was God in heaven; Joseph wasn’t part of the process leading to birth. Luke points this out a few verses later when he wrote, “Jesus, when he began his ministry, was about thirty years of age, being the son (as was supposed) of Joseph, the son of Heli” (Luke 3:23).

Why are we talking about Joseph? I thought we were supposed to be talking about Mary…

All in good time. The point here is that Jesus, even as a wee youth, recognized his true father, and Joseph wasn’t him. This helps us understand a little bit about Jesus’s definition of family. Now, on to Mary and the next recorded interaction between Jesus and his parents. Jesus and his disciples are at someone’s wedding in Cana; Joseph is not mentioned, but Mary is. They ran out of wine and it seems that Mary was in charge because she approached Jesus and told him to do something about it. This episode begins with John, the Gospel writer, saying, “On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there” (John 2:1). This is an instance of a Gospel writer referring to Mary as Jesus’s mother, without Jesus having done so himself. When Jesus does respond to Mary, he says, “Woman, what does this have to do with me?” (John 2:4). The word Jesus used for “woman” is gyne in Greek and is a term of affection that was much more intimate than the word “mother.” However intimate that word might be, gyne is a term that can also be used toward anyone, not just family. As such, whether Jesus was being affectionate or not is irrelevant; Jesus didn’t call Mary mother, he called her “woman.”

After the wedding in Cana, Jesus left with his disciples, his mother, and his brothers and returned to Capernaum. There is no mention of any conversations in this passage, but this reference is notable because it is the only reference I can find in the Bible indicating his genetic family ever traveled with him during his ministry years. Upon arrival at Capernaum, however, the Gospel writers shift their focus to Jesus and his family disappears from the narrative. That is until we read this next passage in Matthew’s Gospel where Matthew writes,

46 While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. 48 But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Matthew 12:46-50

This interaction appears in all three of the Synoptic Gospels — Matthew, Mark, and Luke — but Mark adds one other comment about this incident. Preceding Jesus being told that his family stood outside wanting to talk with him, Mark writes,

20 Then he went home, and the crowd gathered again, so that they could not even eat. 21 And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, “He is out of his mind.”

Mark 3:20-21

In full disclosure, some debate exists as to whether the Greek word used for “family” really means his genetic family or if it just means close friends. Given, however, that the next part of Mark’s narrative is the companion to this week’s Matthew passage regarding who Jesus’s mother and brother were, it seems best to translate this as genetic family, not merely close friends.

Additionally, there is some debate about whether the words translated “He is out of his mind,” would be better translated as, “He is beside himself.” But I would suggest, that if it was just his friends and they thought he was overwhelmed, this would seem to speak volumes about Jesus’s ability to withstand the pressures of a crowd. Nowhere does Scripture give the impression that Jesus had trouble either maintaining his composure or withstanding the onslaught of the crowds surrounding him. Scripture seems to indicate just the opposite.

As such, it seems to me that the best translation of this passage in Mark 3:20-21 is that Jesus’s genetic family thought he was a bit loony. This would also fit with what we know about Jesus’s family not being his followers. Scripture does not ever indicate that his genetic family — Joseph, Mary, or his siblings — was inclined to listen to his teaching or had committed to being a follower of his. Certainly, Luke records that Mary treasured many things from Jesus’s youth in her heart (Luke 2:19, 33, 51), but there doesn’t seem to be any substantive evidence that she was a follower of his. The same can be also said about Joseph and Jesus’s siblings.

Are you saying they weren’t Christians?

Now you are getting ahead of me. I’m just saying that while Jesus was ministering on earth and before his ascension we don’t know what his family believed about Jesus. This is particularly evident in this week’s passage when Jesus responded to the crowd who said his family was looking for him. Jesus’s response tells us that he has a different understanding of “family” than most people do. Jesus was only genetically related to one of his parents, Mary, and partially related, genetically, to his siblings. Yet he didn’t appear to hold those genetic links tightly. Family, for Jesus, consisted of those who did the will of the Father, not merely those with a similar genetic heritage. When Jesus focused on the family he turned his attention toward those who committed to follow the Father’s will; this is the only sort of family with a lasting heritage.

Haven’t you already written about this before?

Good. You have been paying attention.

I always pay attention. That’s why I ask so many questions.

Fair enough. Yes, a previous post (Click Here) dealt with words Jesus spoke to his disciples before they went out to preach the kingdom of heaven on their own. Jesus said,

34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 10:34-39

Someone once gifted me a DNA test for one of the ancestry websites. It was interesting to read the reports and discover tidbits about my genetic heritage. I was hoping I might find something cool like an ancestor who was part of some distant royalty or even some fantastic villainy; either would make for a cool story. But the truth of the matter is that even after the DNA test and the subsequent reports, other than my grandparents and maybe their parents I don’t know much about my ancestors. And it is strange to think that in just a short fifty years or so, I will, just like them, be only a name on a family tree somewhere — that crazy uncle who never married and never had kids — and in 100 years or so, no one will even know that I ever existed.

That’s a cheerful thought.

I know, right? The point is that a genetic family heritage will inevitably fade and disappear in a few short years, but the family consisting of those who find their identity in Jesus is eternal. This is, at least in part, what Jesus meant when he said, “Whoever finds his life will lose it.” For the Jews in Jesus’s time, their heritage was tied up in their family name. The twelve tribes of Israel were the sons of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and their inheritance — the land — was given to them forever by virtue of their family name (Gen. 13:15). For us, well, it’s perhaps a little less of a historical linage, but we tend to value our genetic families fairly highly. For both, we find our identity in our families, at least in part, and if we hold onto that heritage over the family of God, then we may have “found our lives” but in the big picture, we have also “lost them.”

Jesus said he came to bring a sword that would sever family relationships, but he doesn’t leave us dangling alone with no place to go. Jesus said this to tell his disciples that if they hold onto their identity rooted in their family, then their life will be lost in the cobwebs of history. When Jesus told the Jews that he came to destroy family relationships, he was saying that his message would interrupt the family lines of those awaiting their former inheritance. The old heritage came as a result of a family name, but the new heritage comes as a result of following the will of the Father, and to be part of this new family one has to be willing to give up their family identity. The message Jesus preached divides families. Jesus’s kingdom tore apart Jewish families because most were looking for an earthly kingdom, but Jesus came as the Messiah who would lead his followers into a heavenly kingdom.

But we need to be careful to not overemphasize these words. Jesus was not telling families to actively tear themselves apart. The call to find our identity in the family of the Father, the Son, and the Spirit was not a call for us to oust non-believers from the family dinner table. Genetic connections are not ours to sever. When we wield a sword in our family we usually do something stupid and harmful like Peter did when he lopped off Malchus’s ear (John 18:10). The sword of which Jesus speaks is not metal and it is not wielded by us. Jesus’s sword is the word of God held in the hand of the Spirit and it cuts to the heart and divides the genetic family along spiritual lines (Heb. 4:11-13). The sword cuts when family members reject Jesus and his teachings; unbelievers are the ones precipitating the slashing of the sword, not believers. This teaching is clearly about the supremacy of God’s family over our genetic family, but it is also about our propensity to find identity in places other than the family of God.

For instance, Peter did not walk on the water because he had any special powers at his disposal; he did this because his eyes were set on Jesus. He began to sink only when he shifted his gaze from Jesus to the turmoil surrounding him. At that moment, Peter had only three options: drown, return to the boat, or look to Jesus. Peter looked to Jesus, but many of us choose to return to the boat where we once found our identity. That identity might be family, it might be our achievements, it might be our wealth, intellect, or strength, but none of those options are viable. We will either drown on our way back to the boat or find that the boat is about to capsize once we climb back aboard. The only real option, should we want to live, is to give up that familiar source of comfort and identity and reach out for Jesus. The sword Jesus’s words bring cuts family apart, but it also cuts our other relationships apart. Jesus wants his followers to find their identity in his family alone.

That’s a lot to think about.

Yes, but wait, there’s more. There are a few more passages in the Gospels about Jesus and his genetic family. The first is when Jesus is on the cross and he looks down at his mother and says, “Woman, behold your son!” Then he turns to John and says, “Behold, your mother!” (John 19:26-27) Even though Jesus refers to Mary as “mother” it is only so that he can pass off responsibility for her to John. This comment is not about his relationship with Mary, but about Mary’s new relationship with John. Jesus doesn’t, with his last breath on the cross, call Mary his mother, rather, he calls her “woman,” using the same term he used for her at the wedding in Cana; a term of affection. Granted, Jesus may have called Mary “mother” sometime during his lifetime, but the Gospel writers seemingly took pains to keep that sort of language out of their Gospels. Mary was just a woman; she was not part of Jesus’s family unless and until she became his follower and did the will of the Father in heaven.

The next reference is not in the Gospels but occurs after the ascension in Acts 1:12-14. After listing the disciples, Luke writes, “All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer, together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and his brothers” (Acts 1:14). The last time the Bible discussed Mary with her children was when they said, “He is out of his mind.” But now, we find them huddled together with the disciples and praying. This seems to suggest that something after Jesus’s crucifixion and resurrection brought Mary and her children into Jesus’s family. It might be appropriate to say that Mary and her children lost their lives — those lives they had as genetic relatives to Jesus — and gained new lives as mothers and siblings of the Son of God; they were not part of the family of God.

I find it interesting that the Bible has many recorded genealogies, but none exist in the Bible after the life of Jesus. Our true and lasting heritage no longer comes through genetic lines springing from the loins of our ancestors; Jesus put an end to all of that. We identify as children of the Father and siblings of the Son not some sort of genetic relative in an earthly family. In place of genealogies, the New Testament letters often conclude with a list of people whom the author praises for their contribution to the church. We know nothing of their earthly families — they are just names in a genetic vacuum — but we know they are members of Jesus’s family: the group of those who follow his commandments.

The last reference to Jesus’s genetic family worth noting is found in the opening line of the little book written by James. He wrote, “James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ” (Jas 1:1). This James, the brother of Jesus, could have written, “James, the brother of our Lord Jesus” but he didn’t. James, one of the brothers who previously thought Jesus was out of his mind and who is conspicuously absent from any of the Gospels, forsakes his genetic relationship with Jesus as an identifier and chooses to rather identify himself as a follower of Jesus and one who does the will of the Father.

When Jesus instructed his disciples regarding the troubles they would encounter while spreading the message of the kingdom, he warned them that a sword would cleave their families apart (Matt. 10:34-39). This warning was something through which he would soon go. In what seems likely to have been a fairly dramatic moment, Jesus told the crowds, with his family waiting outside, that his true family consisted only of those who were willing to follow the will of the Father (Matt. 12:46-50). This episode, repeated in three of the Gospels, provides insight into the cost we may have to pay should we choose to identify with Jesus and his Father, but it also tells us what we receive in return: membership in the Father’s family while we preach the coming kingdom and the Father will here on earth as it is in heaven.

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