War’s Consolation: Psalm 109

Tearful cries unto the Lord
    Are covered by my sin.
Broken voice declares his Word
    While darkness reigns within.

For years I’ve taught of glory
    Before the young and old.
For years I’ve lived a story
    Of darkness never told.

A struggle ever keeping
    Me walking on this path
Between the joy I’m speaking
    And inner hate and wrath.

Hopeful ev’ry day I start
    A clean and empty slate,
But like weeds within my heart
    Rise both lust and hate.

The weedy battle rages.
    It rips apart my soul.
It’s torn so deep for ages
    To parts what once was whole.

I find I’m barely able
    To see his holy face,
And when I’m at his table
    I sit in low disgrace.

My inner battlefield
    Whereon this war is fought
Awaits to whom I’ll yield
    In word and deed and thought.

I long for heaven’s pleasure.
    I long for arms of love.
I want corroded treasure
    That lies not high above.

Will a confession save me?
    Will love of his I take?
Or will the battle daily
    My will at last it break?

Will he accept me broken?
    Will he look past my sin?
Or has my fate been spoken
    Since I keep giving in?

Can such a sinful person
    In love be held by him?
Or will this vile vermin
    Be doomed to darkness grim?

I know that the true answer
    To questions that I have
Is that his love’s a banner,
    His crimson blood a salve.

I know his love’s unbridled,
    Steadfast, and faithful too.
Salvation is unrivaled
    In making all men new.

I know that when I stumble
    And fall along life’s way,
I only then must humble
    Myself and to him pray.

And through this long, long battle
    Against foe in and out
And in this constant struggle,
    I’ll wait his vict’ry shout.

His shout that clears the field
    Of those who seek my shame,
And then they all will yield
    And bow before his name.

But until that time I’ll sing
    And write of him new songs,
Broken life I’ll daily bring
    To him my whole life long.